Friday, August 29, 2014

Dear Bremy

It's been three years.

It seems August 13th will always be a hard day for me. It wasn't meant to be a day of any significance. Just another day pregnant, three years ago. But now, it holds so many painful memories and so much love and hope lost.

I'm beginning to realize and accept that I'm not strange for taking this so hard. Maybe I'm just more up front with the difficulties, but I hear more and more of the pain people go through with infant loss. A family member revealed his wife wont even try again after a traumatic early miscarriage. A respected colleague of mine, with two kids revealed he and his wife went through something similar and his wife cannot talk about it to this day--so they've never ever talked about it. He also told me he has a family member who is well in to her 40s and still cries very often over the baby she lost in her 20s. I hate to know anyone hurts as much as I have, but somehow it is comforting to know that others know this loss. And that maybe I'm handling it in a somewhat healthy matter.

This year felt harder than last. Not sure why, exactly. Daddy took it harder too. He even put a post on facebook, which he rarely does. As much as it hurt, it was very brave of him to share the pain of your birthday. Somehow seeing 8/13 brought a lot of emotions to the surface, and even now two weeks later, the tears are welling again.

So many friends have 3 year old starting preschool. And it's hard to not think that would have been you. Three is a tough age and so many of my mom friends are complaining about their defiant, tantrum throwing toddlers. If only they knew I would give anything (anything!) to go round and round with my growing girl.

I can't believe it still hurts so much. Unfortunately I know of several friends who have very recently lost, one even at your exact gestation. I wish I could reassure them somehow, but the thought of saying..."it hurts forever" just doesn't seem comforting. I know it's silly to think there's anything I can say to comfort them. I was told so many things after losing you and so many of those things hurt.

But the sight, sound, touch, and love of your baby sister is what stops the tears and what makes me thankful. She is an amazing gift and without your loss, we would not have her. We wouldn't have known how to save her. Bremy your life was not in vain. My 23 weeks with you were truly so happy and full of wonderful memories.

I love you, my forever baby girl.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

21 Months

21 months started out with a pretty grumpy couple weeks. A little summer cold and a possible ear infection made for some trying days, but we ended on a great note and with no need for medical intervention. By the end of the month you were sleeping nicely and on the go all day! I love the level of understanding that's becoming apparent. Following directions is still a fun game to you and you continue to amaze me with your comprehension and retention. 

You've flourished at your first daycare. Always happy to be there and it was obvious you enjoyed the interaction. I was crushed when she told me that she would be closing her doors to return to teaching. That day I took you to the park and noticed that a daycare was there playing. I talked with the owner and felt like it was serendipitous that I met her that day. It's a much larger daycare, but very close to our house. It's more structured than where you were before, but I think it all worked out for the best. The first daycare was a great stepping stone for both of us. You are doing so great at the new place a couple days a week and it's making my week more productive at work. 
 4th of July pool party!

 Margaritas and ice cream for my 31st birthday!

 Pizza parlor play date with our friends. You loved making your own pizza!
 Bridal shower for cousin K in Napa. You had so much fun with all the ladies.
 And you especially loved the mini lemon blueberry cupcakes. 
You are such a love. Our giggle fests bring me so much joy.

you finally braved a real carousel horse instead of just sitting with me on the little bench. Such a big girl!
Nightly ritual: bath, jammies, make a mess of room to avoid bed

Bouncing around the trampoline park!
Date night for mom and dad at ATT park and a special treat to sit in the company suite! 

Open Gym play with our buds
You adore three year old, L and she loves laughing with you.
Eloise at 20 months
Weight: 26lbs
Height:   ?
Diaper size-  Size 5
Clothing Size: 2t and 3t tops, squeezing 2t sleepers and pants

 Your speech is blossoming and I love hearing your little voice. It's still hard to understand a lot of what you say, but you continue to speak with such conviction, I'm sure you know exactly what you are trying to get across. You now say "all done" and "all gone",  and recognize the letter Y (thank you Seasame Street). You also recognize circle as a shape and try to say it as best you can. I love that you point out Ys and circles absolutely every where we go. Nana has a cuckoo clock and a grandfather clock so you also love to say clock and cuckoo. 

You love kids and girls a little older than you seem to be particularly drawn to you. I think it's because you are ok being the little one. The daycare confirms you love to mimick the older kids and love when they engage you in their activities. 

Eating-  your new daycare provides food and they say you eat great. At home you have become more picky and are making more requests and rejections. I try my best to give you a variety. You still absolutely love cheese and greek yogurt. 

Sleep: You spent the first couple weeks of the month fighting nap time, and waking up wide awake in the middle of the night.  but by the end we were back to our two hour nap and mostly 10-11 hour night sleep. 

Favorite Toys: Anything that can be a pretend phone. You love to pretend to dial, say hi and bye and walk around as if you are talking to someone. It's adorable. 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

20 Months

We've had so many fun things going on this month. I realized I forgot a good portion of May in my last post, so I included that here. I just love being a mommy to such a fun little girl. 

The local minor league baseball stadium hosted a "Mommy and Me day" and it was lots of fun. Probably meant for kids a little older with lots of bouncy houses and baseball related activities, but we just enjoyed the sunshine and all of the fun things to see!

I set up a pre-Mother's day outing with some of my local mommy friends. We enjoyed champagne and girl talk while our tootsies got taken care of. It made for an awesome afternoon!

 Mother's Day fell on G-Gmom's bday so we had a fun bbq at her house. You were loving the evening and were so animated for pictures. At this point, your favorite phrase was "Oh no!" Complete with hands to face. We all kept saying it over and over and even captured it in a picture. So cute!

 We met up with C and his parent's for some beer tasting at a local brewery. I'm loving these adult play dates. You and C had a great time playing and running around.

a girl and her dog. The sweetest. 
 We have an awesome play place nearby. On this day we met up with friends and spent over two hours playing and visiting. I love watching you pretend. Here you are with M eating wooden burgers and fries. Love it!
 We walked down to the Fiesta Days parade with some friends and watched the parade. You loved the horses and all of the great music!
 Story time!

Look who has HAIR! Before bed I was able to get pig tails in and you left them in for quite a while. Still haven't managed to get you to wear them during the day!

I did get you to leave a clip in for a few hours! Progress!
Swimming at uncle T's house!
New word: hat!
Summer afternoons at the library. They have all kinds of interactive guests and you loved this one. Music and dancing. You thought it was the Wiggles!

Annual Pre-4th bbq! You had so much fun dancing ALL night with 10 year old girls who adored you. I have to say it was a lot of fun to watch you have such a wonderful time.

Eloise at 20 months
Weight: 25lbs
Height:   ?
Diaper size-  Size 5
Clothing Size: 2t and 3t tops, squeezing in to 18 month sleepers. 18mo and 2t pants.

 No more binky! It wasn't planned, but since you are still nursing, I knew one had to go so we could work on the other. The night you turned 20 months I could not find a binky to put you to bed with. It was perfect because you were very tired, so I knew you would drift off without it. You did and you never had another one. So easy! It was more of a plug than anything and I do miss it in the car sometimes, but I'm so glad it's gone. I have a feeling weaning will be much harder! 

You are gaining new words everyday and your speech is becoming more and more clear. Some new words include: mine, please, night night, stinky, tomato, one-two-three, hat, eyes, Mimi (we know two dogs named Mimi), grandma (at least I think that's what you're saying) . You also say dad now. 

You started at an in home daycare so that I can work more and not rely on Nana so much. I can't believe what an easy transition it has been. It's a small daycare and you just love playing with friends all day. You've never even cried when I've dropped you off. We started with 2 half days a week and now you are doing 2 full days most of the time. It's been a huge blessing for all of us. 

You are officially swimming. I'll write about your lessons in a separate post, but it's been amazing to watch.

Here you are on your first day at day care, eating like a champ of course. 

Eating-  see above! You are a great eater. You love quesadillas, raisin bread, mango, peaches and nectarines! As mentioned, you are still nursing regularly.

Sleep: Hit or miss this month. Mostly sleeping through for about 10 hours with a 2 hours afternoon nap. 

Favorite Toys: you are finally interested in puzzles and are quite good at them. You also mastered this color stacking game that I picked up recently. 

Father's Day was low key. We made daddy a big breakfast and later headed to his favorite park. You are finally loving the swings!
We capped the evening off with ice cream sundae's and a walk around the Nut Tree. You love your daddy!

With daycare I'm able to keep more of a schedule now, which means that I try to keep at least one day a week open to do an activity with you. We frequent the park, and the library, but this month we made a trip to the Children's Museum and had a total blast. You are just getting to the age where things like this can hold your interest for a good amount of time. 

E, there were a few weeks where I saw a glimpse of what 2 and 3 will look like and all I can do is laugh because you are just like me. You want your way and you are willing to do just about anything to get it. I secretly love your sass. At the same time, I watch you with other kids and other moms and your sweetness is palpable. You are so observant and so present with others. Like me, you hate when you can't figure out how to do something and also hate when you feel as though you are doing something incorrectly. I'm trying my best to be patient with you and to show you how to be patient as we learn things together. I'm so glad to see that you are venturing out more and more without always looking for me and I'm so glad to hear that you are able to do so well at day care with all new people. I've honestly never been happier and not one day goes by where I don't remember how grateful I am for you!